Stages

Being a mom for the second time is an incredible blessing. It has allowed me to be more relaxed and confident but also provided perspective that everything happens in stages and this stage won’t last long. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, there are so many women wishing and praying and hoping to be where I am – given the chance to care for a newborn. But i need to be real. I love my little peanut to pieces, but this stage is hard. It’s so much guesswork – it’s so much learning since every child is different – it’s so much wondering – it’s so much trial and error.

Today was a no-nap day from 10:50 until bedtime at 8pm! These long hours mean I have a little girl on my hands who just isn’t entirely content…there’s only so much holding, rocking, swinging, playing, feeding, burping, changing (diapers and outfits…for her and me…outfits for me…not diapers), trying new things before you just are left with a feeling of exhaustion and helplessness. One nap a day has become her norm and she isn’t happy about it (neither am I). I think my frustration with it is because she isn’t happy when she has these long mornings or afternoons. If she was playful, talkative, content, I think I’d be ok with it but she isn’t. She has her content and happy moments and I cherish them SO much but most days like today leave me feeling helpless. She can’t tell me what’s wrong or what to do about it. But, then I remember it’s only a stage. She’s already gone through so many little stages already in her 2 months of life and I know this is no different. We’ve got 2 more weeks together full time and then a new stage begins. Her schedule will change, as will mine and that alone will mean new developments.

I guess I just long for those fun baby stages – the giggles, the babbling, the playfulness with less crying, but I don’t want to wish away time. Each stage has joy and trouble of its own – being a 2nd time mom makes you so aware of that, but also how quickly the stages pass. I’m not trying to rush time or be unappreciative of this time, but I am just feeling the need to be honest and get my thoughts out. I’ve got to remind myself that the pictures others post on Facebook of their happy babies are just that – pictures – moments in time. Just like I don’t post pictures of us covered in spit up, hair a mess, snacking on a pop tart because I’m starving and don’t have time to make something better while I rock a crying, frustrated baby – neither do others. We post our best moments – Facebook moments – and we cannot compare moments in time for everyone has a reality they may not choose to share with the world.

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