Letting go

Anxiety is defined as “a feeling of fear, uneasiness, and worry usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It occurs in situations only perceived as uncontrollable or unavoidable, but not realistically so. A future oriented mood state in which one is not ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events.”

Today I let go. I refused to run though every possible negative scenario and just went with the day. There were a few times that things popped into my mind about what could happen and instead of obsessing, or avoiding the possibility, I gave it a few moments of thought and moved on. I have not had this good of a day in a long time and guess what? Nothing bad happened!

We went to the zoo….with 2 kids…and missed little man’s nap time…and left while it was raining even though my weather app assured me it wasn’t raining where we were going…and there was a tropical storm heading our way…and we ate out 2 meals while I was trying to lose weight…and…and…and

In previous years this would not have stressed me out – I was totally cool with going with the flow, traveling, doing fun things, ditching the schedule, and not knowing what the day held in full. With 1 kid, I had some anxiety over those things but 2 adults to 1 kid – doable. With 2 kids, 1 of whom isn’t super easy, and 1 of whom is a opinionated, schedule oriented 2 year old who’s potty training still – anxiety is becoming a new norm, unfortunately. But today, I entertained only a few negative thoughts and moved on knowing that nothing that could happen would be earth shattering and I wasn’t going to ruin the day by trying to control everything that happened. It was freeing – and it was great to be away from our house and our comfort zone for 10 hours! Proved to myself that not only could I handle it, but so did everyone else – no meltdowns, no catastrophes, and we all enjoyed ourselves.

I refuse to let this control me or our family. I refuse to miss out on things or let me kids miss out on things because their mom can be neurotic. Hoping this anxiety thing is just a phase in the process of adjusting….

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