Trust is such an important and vital part of our lives. We go to bed trusting that we will wake up in the morning. We trust that when we are driving, other drivers will take as much caution as we do and we’ll arrive to our destination safely. We trust friends and family to have our backs when we need them. We trust people to do their jobs and that the aid or information they provide us is valid. We trust people with taking care of our children when they are not in our care. Often we trust others until we are given a reason not to.
Today, I sat in a courtroom next to a friend that trusted someone with her most precious gift at that time – her infant son. Before the end of his 2nd day in her care, she was living what could only be described as a nightmare. Her baby was gone – someone she trusted had broken that trust in the most unimaginable way. I sat today and listed to testimony of a child abuse pediatrician. (Isn’t it sad that this even exists?) I only heard part of it, but what I heard spoke to the hard medical evidence, an expert in the field, putting together the pieces of a nightmare no parent wants to face.
I couldn’t help but put myself in her shoes several times today. How must it feel to have people talk so objectively about something so emotional? How can one keep breathing when you continue to walk back into the darkest days – rehashed for people to question every statement made? How can you not scream at the top of your lungs what you want to say to the ignorant statements or questions of a defense attorney attempting to pull at any straws to cast a shadow of doubt? How do you live every day missing a piece of your heart? Wondering what if?
It was a quiet and reflective drive home. At times I welled up with tears, my thoughts raced, shocked I sat in silence not even knowing how to put my emotions and thoughts into words…and I never even knew him. I wasn’t there when it all happened. But, I also knew I was going home to my two babies who were safe and healthy. I can’t bring myself to go there in my mind…
We trust and when that trust is broken, there are consequences – seen and unseen. We wish for justice when others wrong us, not because it rectifies the situation or allows trust to be rebuilt but because justice is just that – the administering of fairness. There is no fair punishment for someone who takes a child’s life, but justice is certainly not someone living in their home with their family going about their day to day life. Fighting for justice repeatedly just isn’t fair!
So tonight as my heart and head ache for a family living a reality they never imagined, I’m going to be ever more mindful to be thankful for each day I have with my kids. So tonight, I sat on the floor and played. I took pictures. I snuggled a little extra. I gave extra hugs and kisses that were requested because you never know when life will take a turn you just never expect.